Sue Me
by timeturnings
Summary: Bailey Mason is a normal girl with a normal life and a normal obsession with 'Sue-Bashing' Fanfictions. Unfortunately, her sister happens to be a Suethor; so when Bailey accidently is sucked into one of her stories, bad things are just bound to happen.
1. Down the Rabbit Hole, Or Something

**Author's Note: Hello everyone! Yes, I'm alive. And here with a new story! **

**Now, I know what you're going to say:**

"**But, V, you haven't updated ANYTHING for so long! You can't just make a new story and neglect the rest!"**

**And here's my answer to that: Yes, yes I can. So please don't send me any of those messages… they're quite perturbing :-/**

**But you deserve to know my reasons for dropping off the face of the earth for the last month… And it's because school started up again. Ugh, school. Taking up all of my Fanfiction time… But that's not important. What's important is that I'm back! And hoping to start updating more, real soon!**

**Now, I must say that this: this story is inspired by Velvet Nights and Satin Skies' **_**Fellowship of the Authors. **_**The plotline is original, but I did get the 'Sue-Bashing' parody from her story. All other ideas are from my own brain synapses and I'll be sad if you steal them ): **

**ANYWAY. This author's note is quite boring to write, so I think I'll just draw it to a close now. Please enjoy- review if you like, and leave if you don't. No flaming, please. Thanks all(:**

**Lovingly, **

**V**

*** **_**From **_**Fellowship of the Authors **_**by Velvet Nights and Satin Skies. DO NOT OWN.**_

**| 1 |**

**Down the Rabbit Hole, Or Something of That Sort…**

'"_We've been idiots!" she said sharply. "We've been looking at the__Sue__. The Sue is a symptom. Think about it: what makes Sues?"_

_"Uh, moronic writers with no skill whatsoever yet insist that they have superb writing skills and everyone who doesn't think so is mentally deranged?" Madison offered. Isabella snapped her fingers._

_"Correct. Otherwise known as..."_

_"Suethors." Daphne said, mouth-hanging open. "Oh, my God. I can't believe we missed it. Our story isn't going to be any good at__all__if we don't get rid of the Suethor."_

_"That's where you're mistaken," said Tolkien crisply, his British-accent a perfect backdrop for the misty landscape. "You are Authors, and not Suethors. Suethors, as you have mentioned, have no writing abilities at__all__, therefore your story will be ultimately more powerful. You just have to ... how do you Americans say it? Give it more juice."_

_"But we've been giving it all the juice we have," Daphne complained. "My hand hurts from writing so much. We wrote sixteen pages yesterday, and by__hand__. My handwriting looks like its been riddled with buckshot. How do you up our writing potency?"_

_Tolkien smiled, and it was a smile the Authors would come to realize as his I-have-an-idea-you're-not-going-to-like smile. "Why, you all have to write your own stories, of course. They have to be the same story, essentially, just told from five different points of view. You can collaborate, of course, and there can be__no__contradictions whatsoever, but you must do it. If you don't, one story isn't going to be enough to take care of your little...problem."_

_"Speaking of which," Michael said, looking around. "Where is that pain in the butt, anyway?"_

_They found her - and Legolas - entwined behind a bush, lips locked together, Adavis's fingers tangling in Legolas's blonde hair. Even while smooching, Legolas had a slightly idiotic look on his face, as if Adavis had smacked him with a wet fish repeatedly until he suffered brain damage. Daphne almost had a fit._

_"YOU LITTLE RAT!"_

_Adavis was yanked forcibly off Legolas, by two handfuls of her dark, glossy curls. She screeched as Daphne hauled her backwards, her anger and stocky frame lending strength to her arms. Adavis lept up, spitting mad, hair disheveled, and flung herself at Daphne. They tussled on the ground, scratching, clawing, biting, kicking. Daphne was doing all she could do to defend herself, but she just couldn't help landing a punch or two. She hadn't meant to get into a catfight, but it was so tempting when she saw Adavis shriek when Daphne raked her nails across her cheeks…'*_

A smirk formed on Bailey's chapped lips as her navy-blue eyes scanned the computer screen alight with interest. "You show her, Daphne…" She murmured in satisfaction. "Shred that Sue into little pieces."

It was Saturday night, and Bailey was doing what she always did on the weekends: sitting at the computer in her dad's home office, her wild red hair hairbanded into a messy bun atop her head, devouring a Greek yogurt and reading some good Sue-Bashing Fanfictions. The one she was enjoying at the moment was one of the best she'd read as of late- the others' had lacked the lovely descriptiveness this author excelled at- and she was currently glued to the old Toshiba's dusty screen with the delighted absorbedness of a toddler watching The Wiggle's Movie.

The character in the story- Daphne- beat down the Sue- Adavis- once more, and Bailey smiled placidly again. There was something about a Mary-Sue getting served a righteous dish of piping-hot justice that made Bailey snicker with delight. They were too perfect, the Sues, and always seemed to pop up right when you weren't expecting it; all perfect and inhumanly beautiful, always saying just the right thing, and saving The Fellowship's asses time and time again… It really is quite a shame, Bailey thought to herself quietly, that anyone who called themselves a respected author would allow such an abomination into what might have been a fantastic read. She scrolled a little more down the page to continue reading. Quite a shame indeed…

A sharp knock at the small office's door brought Bailey out of the story abruptly, leaving her floundering for words as she attempted to detach herself from the plotline.

"Bailey?" Came a chipper voice from the other side of the thin white door. She groaned inwardly. Leave it her kid sister to interrupt her quiet time.

"Uhhh... Yeah?"

"May I come in?"

_No. _Bailey thought sourly, stabbing at her yogurt vehemently. _No, you may not._

"Baiiiiiiilllleeeeyyyyy! May I _pleaseeeee _come in?"

"_Fine!_"

Instantly, the door flew open; it banged loudly against the wall as Katie skipped inside, oblivious to her older sister's pained cringe at the sudden explosion of noise.

"How are you this evening, Bailey?" Katie smiled a smile so white and bright, Bailey felt blind for a moment.

"It was all very well until you walked in."

Bailey glared daggers at her younger sister; Katie Marie Mason was probably the one person on earth who could compare to the annoyingness of Mary-Sues. With her sky-blue eyes that always had a permanent sparkle about them, her shoulder-length strawberry blonde hair that bounced voluminously when she walked, and- unlike her Bailey, who was freckled like a quail's feather- the clearest, most even cream skin of any thirteen-year-old Bailey had ever seen, Katie was definitely beautiful. She also had what people would call 'a sparkling personality' and 'impeccable talent for one so young'. Katie was- as you might have guessed by now- the most popular girl in school, always being cordial to everyone, even the geeks. Bailey guessed she was the only person in the world who found Katie irritating, which was fine by her. She didn't really like people that much; always grumbling about this, that, and the other, polluting the earth and whatnot. While Katie was out winning awards, making friends, and the like, Bailey would be perfectly happy to just curl up with a book and ignore the rest of the world for as long as possible. Or at least until she ran out of yogurt.

"What are you reading?" Katie asked suddenly, craning her slender neck around Bailey to get a glimpse of the screen. "Ah, _Lord of the Rings _Fanfiction I see." An exuberant grin lit up her face and Bailey's stomach sank. She seriously didn't want to have this conversation with Katie right now… or ever, for that matter.

"I'm working on a piece of literature that I think you may find just fascinating!"

Bailey stared blankly at her, silently willing her to go away, but Katie- either oblivious or choosing to ignore it- continued to ramble on boisterously.

"Yes, it's a lovely Fanfic about a beautiful elleth joining the Fellowship. I'm wondering if I should pair her with Legolas or Aragorn. I'm leaning more towards Legolas because they share the same Elvin attributes, and because I wouldn't want to ruin Aragorn and Arwen's relationship- Oh! I've forgotten Boromir! And Eomer! Goodness, there's a lot of male pairings I could make… Perhaps you would like to read a bit and tell me what you think?"

This was the moment Bailey had been dreading. It wasn't that she didn't enjoy a good romantic Middle Earth story; it was just that, while Katie was unrealistically talented in almost everything, writing was not her strong point. She tended to make everything _way _too overdramatic and lovey-dovey- and the Sues. God, _the Sues. _Bailey's sister had to be the master of writing perfect human beings- or Elvin beings- into stories. She was a hopeless romantic, which was fine if you were writing a diary. But writing a story was an entirely different matter; you couldn't just interject a faultless OC into a tale that hundreds of millions of people read and expect the plotline to stay canon. And so Bailey was less-than-thrilled to be offered the opportunity to read a 'sneak peak' of her sister's Sue-a-thon; she doubted that this said 'beautiful elleth' had a single flaw in her characterization, was beautiful as a daisy, and a singing voice that even Satan himself would swoon for.

"Well…" Bailey coiled a loose strand of fiery red hair around her pinky finger until the tresses were tight around the knuckle, searching for an excuse to get out of reading Katie's Mary-Sue novel. "I kind of have to-"

"Oh, it's only a chapter long, Bailey." Katie said jovially as she leaned around her sister and began clicking furiously with the mouse. Windows popped up and disappeared as she searched for her story. "I think whatever you have to do can wait."

Bailey sighed, leaning back in her chair in defeat. She knew it was useless to argue with her sister about things like this- she'd lose, as always. Besides, _one _Mary-Sue story couldn't possibly be that bad, right?

"Ah hah! Here we are…" Katie smiled triumphantly as a heavily-written in Word document filled the entirety of the screen. "Now, you just get settled in and start reading while I go get a glass of juice, okay?" Without waiting for a response, her sister beamed vibrantly and bounced off to get her fruit drink.

Bailey waited until Katie was out of sight to let a short, but vicious stream of curses flow freely from her mouth. She was just so frustrated right now, how nothing ever seemed to go her way. But after a moment of pubescent moping, she regained her poise and got down to examining Katie's story. She quickly noticed- with rather pathetically feigned dismay- that the chapter was over 5,000 words long. She groaned, leaning back in her chair again.

_This is going to take forever, _Bailey thought sullenly, scrolling up to the beginning of the chapter. She found it after about ten scrolls, and with it, the title of Katie's 'lovely' tale:

'_Essence, Chapter One: A Scarred Beauty Awakens'_

Bailey rolled her eyes as she read the title of her sister's story; this was another thing she hated about Suethors. They always felt compelled to name their stories as poetically as possible, without it having any relevance at all to the story it was personifying. And the chapter names were always… well, rather idiotic and self-righteous, to be blunt. She gritted her teeth and read the first chapter.

'"_But father-"_

"_No!" The stocky elf with hair black as ebony roared, slamming his fist down on the table for good measure. "No more! You shall do as I say without question, Dammit!"'_

She growled under her breath in annoyance. Not even three sentences in, and this story was already misleading. One, elves weren't stocky, two they were gentle creatures with sharp ears, so they were naturally soft of tone and calm of body, and three they _did not say 'Dammit'. _

'_Tears streamed down the beautiful elleth's face, making pink tear-tracks that clashed against her snowy white skin and long silky blonde hair as she screamed back at him,_

"_I will not marry Morowin, father; I refuse to have my rights taken from me with such force and unfairness!"_

_Instantly, the elleth's father's face darkened. "Do _not _argue with me, Llewellineda!" He screamed in rage. "You will marry whoever I so choose, or so help me Valar, I'll kill you!"'_

"Now, let's see," Bailey murmured acerbically to herself. "Violent and abusive father figure, check; inhumanly beautiful female OC with a tortured soul, check; arranged marriage, check; absurdly long and stupid name, check… How so un-cliché this story is."

'_A moment of tense silence was upon them. Llewellineda stared up at her father with watery purple eyes- _"Purple..? Honestly?"- _as if begging him to change his mind. But her father glared back with a stony impassiveness, his frosty visage not budging as to give her an inch of leeway into winning this argument. This moment went on uncomfortably for some time until he finally spoke._

"_You _will _marry Morowin."_

"_No."_

_A loud smacking noise echoed through the castle and Llewellineda recoiled in shock, holding a hand to her stinging cheek. Her father's hand was still aloft from a moment ago, his face cold and unforgiving as he gazed into the tortured eyes of his wounded daughter. He showed no regret for having struck her down; it was obvious that her exploitation wasn't an oddity in his house.'"_

"Wowwwwww… who didn't see _that _one coming?"

'_When he finally spoke again, she flinched at his scathingly self-important tone._

"_You _will _marry Morowin, you little bitch, or I promise you that you won't awaken the following morn. Am I clear?"_

_There was silence as the two studied each other- him icily, her mournfully. He repeated himself, raising his hand as if to hit her again. _

"_Am. I. Clear?"_

_Llewellineda stared defiantly up at him, her jaw set and unmoving. Her father's face split into one of unspeakable rage and he brought his hand down upon her forehead with a loud crack. The beautiful elleth shrieked with pain, grasping her scalp as blood began to flow from a wound just above the hairline of her silvery-blonde tresses. _

_But her father wasn't yet finished. He continued to strike her violently, bruising her milk-white skin with each blow. Llewellineda cried out occasionally, but when she found she was beaten more harshly for it, the elleth suffered the agony in silence. Soon her blood slickened the floor.'_

Bailey made a face. "How in the hell is she still _alive?_"

'_When Llewellineda lay in a crumpled, bloody heap on the floor, shoulders heaving with pained sobs, her father knelt down beside her and murmured in an eerie undertone,_

"_I will say it _one last _time;" He hissed through his teeth. "Am I clear?"_

_Though her agony was absolutely unbearable- _"Whatever…"- _Llewellineda managed to gasp out a pain-filled "Yes" before she collapsed back onto the ground in tears._

_He smirked, patting her head roughly. "Good." _

_And with that-'_

Bailey's finger on the mouse wavered. A strange feeling was coming over her- she suddenly felt light-headed and dizzy, and her body felt heavy; as though she'd just run a marathon and hadn't eaten anything all day. Maybe she was getting sick… Bailey rolled her shoulders and went back to the story, hoping that the cliché plotlines and perfect OCs would distract her from her discomfort.

'_And with that, her father stood and exited the pavilion as if nothing had occurred, leaving his daughter in her horrific state; splayed across the floor, dress in tatters, and blood pooling around her._

_Llewellineda sat up slowly, tears streaking her face, intermingled with crimson blood flowing from her cuts and-'_

It happened suddenly. One moment Bailey was peacefully reading and harshly critiquing Katie's story, and then her body unexpectedly seized. She was completely and totally numb, from her toes to her tongue. She tried to scream, but her mouth wouldn't move. It were as though she'd been cast in wet cement, the world pressing in around her as she dried slowly into a state of immobility. Black spots bloomed across her vision as she tried to escape the figurative bounds that held her stiffly to her chair.

The spots turned into blotches, then into massive shadows, nearly covering her eyesight completely, and then she couldn't see anything. Bailey couldn't feel anything but a blind, white-hot panic searing through her with a vengeance, burning her from the tip of her snub-nose to the chipping baby-blue polish on her toenails. She felt the yogurt fall from her hands, but didn't hear it splatter on the ground like she should have.

Bailey suddenly felt herself falling. Falling through space and time, twirling and cartwheeling without a single fiber of her body having control of itself. For a moment it was just dark of her blindness around her, and then it was nothing.

Not blackness, not shadows, not air or water or fire or the like. Just… nothingness. A blank, empty nothingness that went on forever. And Bailey had no clue how to escape.


	2. A Note from the Author

Dear Readers,

I am sad to say that this account is now being vacated. I've decided to start anew and move on to another account and begin again. There was just too many stories to continue and too many disappointed readers... So I am going to try this again. This is not to say that all the stories I've written on this account will be done with forever, not at all. Some will be put up for adoption for other writers to continue with, and the more popular ones will be redrafted into Word Documents and reposted on my new account. The list of those stories are below!

Stories Up for Adoption:

(PM me if you're interested; this is a first come, first serve basis, and no stories will be held for any particular writers!)

The Meaning of Forever

Oscuri Segreti

What's It To You?

The City

Undecided

The Fence

Now You See Me

My Darling Little Divas

Dirty Little Secrets

Cloudy With a Chance of Magical Encounters

All That is Good

The Forgotten Ones

Over the Stars and Back

Tales of the Kits/Warrior Name Contest

Too Close for Comfort

The Water Tribes: First Light

Forbidden Fruit

Endless Night

Stories that will be reposted at a later time:

****Sue Me

Wolf Runner

Just to Be

Oh My Lordy!

****And that just about covers it... I just want to say that you have all been such amazing readers and I couldn't ask for a better lot of people to review my stories. Stay strong, keep on writing.

Signing off,

V

P.S.

Here's my new account, if you're interested(:


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